The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...

Well, after two days I am still sick. Not sick enough to be passed out in bed, but just sick enough to not be able to go in to work and be stuck in the house bored.

So, after two days of watching Entertainment TV, I decided to do my own best and worst dressed lists for the Oscars. I have to say, I think the bulk of this year's major lists were right on the money, but I had a couple of quibbles and some of my own ideas about who hit and missed on the Red Carpet.

Oh, and did I mention I've been getting pestered about doing one of these by multiple faithful readers? That too...

So, here we go

Stanfill's Sartorial Samplings: 2009 Oscars Best and Worst Dressed

Top 5 Best Dressed Females

Penelope Cruz in vintage Balmain:
Okay, let it be known that I am a HUGE Penelope fan. Her US films, her foreign films, you name it, I probably loved it. And I think that, for the most part, she always looks like a class act. Pair that with her 60+ year old vintage gown that she has been hanging on to for eight years to wear to something "special" (getting an Oscar, check, I think it counts). Toss in the $3M worth of diamonds she wore for the evening and her to-die-for sweetheart bangs and you've got the complete look. She floated down the Red Carpet and I have to say I find the overall effect of a silhouette like this far more pleasing than some of the uber-tight gowns we saw this year. I don't care what kind of body you have, as my daddy says "Every step looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket." Okay, maybe not SO much on the red carpet, but still...she FLOATED. Some argued that the dress looked a little too bridal...I disagree...and I would also submit that if I can look anywhere NEAR this good on my wedding day, I'll take it. Well done, Pen.


Vannessa Hudgens in Marchessa:This pains me. It truly, truly does. To ever have to tip my hat to anyone remotely involved with the bane that is the High School Musical Series is almost more than I can bear. And yet, I feel I owe it to this girl. I have to say, for her age, she rocked the Red Carpet. Her dress was completely AGE APPROPRIATE (SHARON STONE AND MILEY CYRUS ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!?!). Fun and unstuffy while still sophisticated. The dress was originally knee length and she had the extra bottom layer added to make it more appropriate for the red carpet. While I am usually anti-mermaid, the addition took her from Jessica McClintock Prom Queen to Red Carpet Diva. The earrings and the hair were also right on point. *HOWEVER, I did hear that she compared herself to a young Audrey Hepburn...Girfriend...all I am going to say is DON'T EVER compare yourself to Audrey. Particularly when your body of work includes countless films under the title "High School Musical..." You're talking about the Funny Girl, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Roman Holiday ICON here. Just do yourself a favor and stand in wonder at the force that is and was Audrey Hepburn and DON'T EVER let a reporter catch you saying you think you look like her. Good Grief Girl...Show a little respect.

Tiraji P. Hensen in Roberto Cavalli:

Two words: Rocked It. This gown was tricky and could have gone very quickly from edgy-sophisticated to straight- up Mummy Chic. How many poor actresses have we seen get slammed for trying to rock this look only to be criticized for looking like the dog, the lawnmower, Enron's accounting department (oh, was that out loud?), etc got hold of their dress the night before the ceremony. However, Tiraji's amazing body and expertly coiffed 'do tied it all together. Oh yes, and did I mention the bling? An antique diamond choker that could put the Milky Way to shame. It can be tricky pairing something as fashion forward as this shredded tiered column with something vintage, but this was seriously perfect. She may have even inspired me to go with short hair for summer. I love the A-line bob with the dramatic bangs. Add in her satiny skin and amazing eyes and it's a 10! Much love for Tiraji.

Anne Hathaway in Armani Prive':

Again, this is a little painful, because I have tried for a very long time to hate on this girl (mostly out of loyalty to dear cousin Emily; Hathaway dated one of Em's ex-boyfriends, and we had sworn a pact to loathe her all our days...it's just what you do) but I can do it no longer. She rocks my socks as far as fashion is concerned. She looks like a million bucks ALL THE TIME. Now, given, it's hard to look bad in Armani, this dress still had it's little tricks. For starters, I, as a general rule, have a paillete problem...and this dress was COVERED in 'em. However, it worked. She worked. IT ALL JUST WORKED. She was like her own flashbulb. Skin: Flawless. Hair: Classic. Makeup: Perfection. Pair it with her Megawatt personality and humble, yet confident persona and she's a winner in my book. My only quibble is she is still looking a little skinny, which pains me. However, given the trauma she's been through lately with her ex-hubby in the clink and all, I'd say she looks pretty dang fabulous. In my humble opinion, if anyone in Hollywood today can come anywhere NEAR touching Ms. Hepburn, it would be Anne, although she still has a ways to go. Take a note V.

Natalie Portman in Rodarte:Portman was a total darkhorse for me this year. I had gotten so used to seeing her in these trippy Star Wars Princess Amidala inspired get-ups that I had sort of given up on her doing anything noteworthy. And honestly, when would I ever pick a pepto-pink gown for a best dressed award? Granted, this is still a little Grecian Goddess, which is a staple in Natalie's Red Carpet attire, but the overall look is fantastic. Not many people can wear "Hubba-Bubba" pink and make it look this good, but with her skin tone, it's a fantastic choice and a few of this year's white/beige sporting starlets could have taken a cue from her daring-do. The hair, also fantastic and the diamond studs were superb. I would have liked to see a little more bling around her neck (something simple a' la Penelope Cruz's sparkler) but when you've got skin like hers, who really needs it? Now if only we could melt the ice off that stare of hers...

Top 5 Best Dressed Males

Brad Pitt in Tom Ford:What can I say Tom Ford makes a nice suit, and when you put Brad Pitt in it, what else could it be but magic? Also, a small note, The caps on the buttons on his shirt are actually 24K-gold rimmed black diamonds. Nicely Done. Can we also get some quick love for Angie's crush-worthy emerald earrings and knuckle crushing emerald ring? Wow.

Sean Penn in Armani:
Not gonna lie...the black on black on black is a gamble. But Penn pulls it off with incredible style. For starters, the cut and tailoring of this suit is nothing short of impeccable. In general, a suit is a suit is a suit, but when it fits like this it is magic. Also, the woven texture of the long tie against the other blacks and the sheen of the satin lapels and buttons on his tux give a lot interest and sophistication to something that could have otherwise turned very dark and brooding very quickly. A quick shout out to his serious arm-candy of a wife too...She looked flawless.

Robert Downey Jr. in Someone Who Should be Getting Paid More:Someone please tell me when was the last time we saw RDJ looking this good? Wow. I didn't even RECOGNIZE him in the first few photos I saw. Wow. The suit is perfect, his hair looks amazing, and who knew he had such chiseled features under all that scruff we've been putting up with for so long. Have I said Wow yet? Chalk one up to a hot shower and a well-timed trip to the barber.

Hugh Jackman in Burberry, Shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo:
Okay, can't lie...Jackman could wear a potato sack (which I might prefer) and still look amazing. His rogue-ish good looks translated perfectly on stage and he was probably one of the best Oscar Hosts I've seen. Not too mention he looked amazing. He chucked the traditional cummerbund for a vest that made this look perfect. The deep V jacket and scooped vest only served to emphasize his incredible physique. The charmingly off-kilter bow-tie and Aussie accent didn't hurt either.

Robert Pattinson in Dolce & Gabbana:This also pains me. What is it about young Hollywood that I find so obnoxious as of late...oh wait, maybe the fact that they are no longer in my own personal age bracket and I am a little bitter...tear. Anyway...I have to hand it to Robert, seeing as how he has 3/4 of the female population of THE WORLD eating out of his hand (yes I saw the movie, yes it made a little short of breath, yes I am exorbitantly embarrassed by both of these facts) it would have been easy for him to show up in pretty much whatever he wanted...you know, flex his "I'm young and hot and who's gonna tell me I can't wear ripped jeans and a feather boa with aviators to the Oscars?" muscles (past offenders, you know who you are). Instead, he showed up in head to toe classic Dolce & Gabbana and maintained his youth and rakish charm with unkempt hair and just a wee bit of scruff. Well played, you too-young-for-me hottie, you.

Top 5 Worst Dressed Females

Sophia Loren in I Can't Even Think About It Too Hard:

Sophia...Seriously. Three things. 1.) You are ITALIAN, darling! I shudder to think at the endless numbers of your well-heeled patriarchy rolling over in their collective graves as we speak! 2.) You are a FASHION ICON...I don't care how old you're getting, we REALLY don't need another Elizabeth Taylor situation on our hands here 3.) No one with Olive skin (okay, or black, white, brown, red, yellow, blue, green I DON'T CARE WHAT COLOR YOUR SKIN IS) looks good in a hue inspired by Egg Drop Soup. Fortune Cookie Say: You Lose, Sophie. Better Luck Next Year, Bella.

Mylie Cyrus in Zuhair MuradMiley, Miley, Miley...Give it a few more years, okay, hunny? Seriously. This dress is truly stunning (despite a sort of overwhelming seashell/scallop theme that is enough to send anyone with a severe enough shellfish allergy into anaphylactic shock)...stunning, that is, if you're a 7 foot glamazon on the runway in Milan...not so much the cute and perky Tween star with an alter-ego. Poor Miley, at her age, to already have two identities and now be bucking for a third as a mature, sophisticated Red Carpet fashion staple is just too much. What Miley needs to do is take a note from Vannessa Hudgens and stick to something more her age. She's got the goods, cute smile, great little body...she needs to live it up while she can still wear the edgy youthful fashion. Plenty of time for mature sophistication...just look at Helen Miren. Although, somehow I have my doubts that Miss Cyrus' career will be quite so long and illustrious as Dame Miren's. Just a Hunch.

Beyonce' in House of Dereon (shocker):
This is also painful. I like Beyonce', really, I do. But every awards season we have to watch her walk the Red Carpet in one of her mother's monstrosities and then get slammed from all sides about it the next day. If I were Beyonce', I think I would just have to pull mom aside before awards season started and have a little chat about "branching out." Seriously. It's a disaster. This dress is like something you would find on Bram Stoker's mantle. Her cleavage is cramped, the mermaid fishtail is almost unforgivable, and the restricted range of motion is going to insure that she does not outrun ANY of the paparazzi taking her "Worst Dressed" photo. Poor Girl. Beyonce' would be a dream to dress...she's got one of the most amazing bodies in Hollywood, amazing skin, flawless features, the hair, you name it...but she insists on sticking with her mom's disaster-destined label. I don't know what kind of mother does this to their daughter, but seriously...Beyonce' needs to start taking it personally.

Jessica Biel in Prada
Small Sartorial Note: When in Doubt DO NOT ATTACH A DEFLATED DERIGIBLE TO YOUR DECOLLATAGE! Yikes. Seriously, Justin Timberlake has had hangovers that were less sloppy than this ensemble. It's just really unfortunate all the way around. Jessica Biel is gorgeous and has, arguably, on of the best bodies in Hollywood. I also happen to love Prada, so the fact that the two of these generally beautiful entities have come together to form such a total and utter disaster is really a shame. First off, this dress plus her skin tone = no good. She could have taken a hint and gone for something in a more vibrant hue a la Natalie Portman (anybody remember her gorgeous grape colored number from a year or two back?). Secondly...speaking of Enron's accounting department (oh dangit, I did it again) they seem to have gotten a hold of her hair. Either curl it or straighten it...or get up earlier before the show...or somethin'. Also, while you can't see them in this photo, she was wearing closed-toe black satin librarian-esque pumps. Heaven Help Us. Where was Prada on that one, I ask you? On an upnote, her jewels were flawless and whoever styled her makeup did a knockout job. Not a total loss.

Kate Winslet in Yves Saint Laurent:
Just stick with me for a second here. You have to know that I am a huge KW fan. I kept liking her even after she did Titanic. I think she picks stellar roles and I think she is a strong and admirable person. I also am aware that the things I am about to say might qualify as a capital offense in the UK (pretty sure they have a guillotine still operating in the Tower of London for just such purposes). However, I have to say I think this was a miss for Miss Winslett. The colors, for starters, were not great for her. Her alabaster skin and blonde hair are complemented so beautifully by, well, by pretty much anything other than gun-metal grey and black. In addition to that, Kate is classic old Hollywood. She screams old Hollywood and always looks amazing when she is styled that way. This dress, however, is decidedly forward leaning fashion and it clashes with her still classically sculpted coif. It's like two ends of the spectrum fighting over who will win and it just ends up in a big jumble, with pretty Kate in the middle of it. I have to say No, despite the aclaim it received from other fashion gurus. I'm sticking to my guns on this one. One other note...this dress ballparks for around $50K...if you're going to wear a dress that costs $50,000, you better look fabulous. I don't care if it's borrowed or not!

Top 5 Worst Dressed Males

Phillip Seymore Hoffman in Someone Who's Getting Paid Too MuchActually, we aren't even going to dignify this with 5 entire entries because Phillip Seymore Hoffman looked SO BAD that is made up for all the rest of the potential winners. Good grief, he even managed to trump Mickey Rourke, who looked like a disaster, by the way. Rumor has it, however, that he just lost his much-loved pooch, so we'll give him a pass for grieving purposes...RIP Loki. ANWAY, back to PSH. A Beanie? Really? You're going to come to the biggest awards show of the year in a black woolen beanie? I know haircare takes time and effort, but seriously...you're PSH for crying out loud...pay someone to shlack a ponytail on there for you and call it good. In addition to that, he also chose to wear a vest, however, in contrast to Hugh Jackman's impecabbly fitting vest and jacket, Hoffman's just looks kind of like a shiny sausage casing. Probably not such a smart move. Forgive him Father, for this Doubt star has sinned...Big Time.

Honorable Mentions:

Tina Fey in Zac Posen

Love Tina Fey, and I think she's beautiful...it's also rare that you see her looking so elegant. Bu she looks a little too much like King Tut's sarcophogus in this dress. Big time props on the hair though...she looked gorgeous no doubt about it.

Jennifer Anniston in Valentino
One of the best looks I've seen Jennifer wear. Props to her, as well, on being totally cool headed while presenting like 5 feet away from Brangelina. If the goal was to look as gorgeous as possible, she definitely did the job. Also, quick shout out to her arm candy for the evening, John Mayer...he looked fab as well.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Dior Haute Couture
A lot of people loved this dress, but the boobs were just a leeeeetle much for me. I love SJP's style, she's got it in spades, but this dress made the cliff houses at Cuenca look like Erector Set Jr. stuff compared to the architectural feat that is holding up her decollatage. Who knew Dior did seismically sound couture?

Amy Adams in Carolina Herrera, Necklace by Fred Leighton
Truth be told, I loved this look, but I know it was a little much. The dress was knockout, the collar was to die for, but together they were just a little over powering. Next year Amy,darling, you're gonna get 'em next year!

Tilda Swinton in Lanvin
I know, you're scratching your head abou this one. I love this women and I think she is a theatrical force in and of herself. Her style, however is decidedly avant garde, which makes it tough to wear on the red carpet. This, quite frankly is a great choice for her. I was impressed. If you're having trouble believing me just check out some of her past selections and you might get my point.


Well, that's it. My Oscar's 2009 fashion wrap. It's just too much work to try and cover the after parties and everything too, so if you have faves that you thought were left out leave me a note and I'll check them out. Disagree with me? Let me know. I want to hear your faves as well as the ones that maybe you didn't think were so great. Maybe there will even be a "Gems We Missed" post to recap some of the diamonds in the rough. Hope you Enjoyed. Until Next Year!